Note: This is the first in a series of short posts written nearly a year ago - February 25th, 2016 - two days before my 37th birthday; the same day I started secretly writing and this blog was just a scary dream. Reading over the words again, there's not much I would change, just thankful for God-given courage, a husband who sees me greater than I do myself and prodding friends who helped me to be brave. (You can read the second and third posts here & here.)
There really is no specific way to nail down the answer to this question but I would say that I finally decided I wanted it more than I was afraid of it. Has that ever happened to you? You have a great big idea - some might call it a dream. You ponder it, toss it around in your brain…you think of it while showering, driving, vacuuming, falling asleep...then you are snapped back into real life along with all the noise, fears, insecurities and self-doubt that drive it away.
That’s been happening to me for a LONG time.
I used to be a thinker.
I used to be a reader.
I used to be a writer.
I used to be creative.
I used to be generous.
I used to be a runner.
Notice the common theme? “used to be”. What happened - when did my life become “used to be”? Honestly those “used to be”s are old. I’ve been married for 16 years, have 3 children, 1 kitty, 1 puppy, I’m entering my upper 30’s and I’m done with “used to be”. I am ready for “I am”.
Two years ago God gifted us with a precious, surprise baby girl. At the time, we had two elementary children, I had returned to the working world three years prior and I was enjoying it. I thought that I was getting my life back, but I wasn’t living life - I was BUSY. Most would think that a new baby after a seven year lull would make life busier than ever, and maybe it did, but it also afforded much needed time alone with my thoughts. I’ve come to the place where I'm more uncomfortable staying where I am, I need and want to exercise all those areas of “used to be” and live with intention.
I'm hoping that you, my readers, can connect with what’s happening in my heart and be encouraged. We are in this life together. My goal is to share my journey - how I'm learning to live each day with a Bent on Grace and I hope along the way you are touched by God’s grace too.